Ethical Dishonesty

Michael Sabetta

31 Oct. 2011

RD3

Ethical Dishonesty

Good evening, my fellow students. Today, I have come here to talk to you about the concept of honesty. While most of you are accustomed to hearing that honesty is always the best policy, I prefer to take a more nuanced approach. There is no doubt that honesty can be an important factor in building long-term personal and working relationships. However, the efficacy of honesty does have its limits. [THESIS] Through the many experiences that life has sought fit to offer me, I have come to the conclusion that honesty, in certain instances, can actually do a great deal of damage to one’s relationships, and as surprising as it may sound, the withholding or bending of the truth can often prove to be the wisest course of action. [THESIS]

I can see from the shocked look on your faces that the subject of my speech is probably not what you were expecting. But please, before you start hurling rotten tomatoes, hear me out. The advice that I will impart to you this evening, will undoubtedly prove its worth, as you embark on your careers and as you enter into personal relationships, many of which will last an entire lifetime.

As I was reading some of the online posts by my fellow English class students, there was one in particular that brought back some painful memories. It was written by Carmen Lee, and had to do with personal relationships and lying by omission. Carmen stated that “…it is not acceptable to remain silent, if you have the answer in mind” (Lee) While this statement makes a lot of sense, in reality, it is fraught with peril. As proof of the inherent risk involved in following this advice, I would like to share with you a personal experience that I had, many years ago.

I was dating a girl, and things were getting pretty serious. One day, as we were discussing the amazing future that we would share, she asked me to be honest and tell her something that she could change about herself, to make me love her even more. I asked her if she was sure about this, because I did not want to say anything that might damage our relationship. She told me not to worry, and to be completely honest. I hesitated, pondering the consequences of what I was about to say. After gathering my courage, I took a deep breath, looked deep into her eyes and uttered these fateful words, “Sweetheart, you’re beautiful, but I would really like it if you would lose ten pounds.”

She looked at me with disbelief. Her face became contorted as her eyes filled with tears. Her lips moved, but she was unable to speak. She began sobbing hysterically, yet at the same time she was somehow able to scream over and over again, “I never want to see you again! I never want to see you again!” Needless to say, that was the end of a very promising relationship.

The abrupt and unhappy ending to this love story should serve as a warning to those who believe that complete and absolute honesty always triumphs. If I had been less than completely honest, and withheld the truth, something like: “Sweetheart, you’re beautiful, and there isn’t a thing about you that I would want to change”, then we would probably be happily married, right now, with two or three kids.

One of the readings from my English class had a memorable line in it that does a great job of explaining when it is OK to lie. I would urge all of you to read this online article. The title is All Lies are Not Created Equal: Professors, Students Take an Honest Look at Lying. It was written by Patrice Taddonio, and the line she quotes is from a biology professor named Sheldon Krimsky. He states that “Lying is sometimes acceptable, excusable, and even desirable, especially when it involves human feelings” (Taddonio).

That one line offers a great summary of the message that I’m trying to get across here this evening. It answers the question of how to best apply honesty or, when required, dishonesty to our personal relationships. So far, I think most of you would agree that the points I have sought to make are fairly noncontroversial. Well, all that is about to change.

I would now like to discuss the consequences of complete honesty in our working relationships. Believe it or not, there are instances when untruthfulness can prove beneficial in these types of relationships, just as it can in our personal lives.

Once again, I would like to recommend to you an excellent online source. This one delves deep into the matters of honesty and ethics. It is from the Josephson Institute, and the name of the article is Making Ethical Decisions: The Six Pillars of Character. If I could share one quote with you that struck me as particularly profound and particularly relevant to the discussion we are having, this would be it: “Not all lies are unethical, even though all lies are dishonest” (Josephson). This phrase could be further simplified by simply stating that “Dishonesty is not necessarily unethical.”

The examples given in the article are a policeman who lies in the course of an undercover operation or one who lies to a terrorist, in order to save lives. I would take these examples one step further and say that anytime you lie to promote the greater good, dishonesty can be considered ethical. This brings up an important question that must be considered: Just what is the greater good? Say, for example, someone misrepresents their qualifications on a job application, in order to get the job and be able to provide for his or her family. I would consider that to be the greater good. When you put both sides of that example on a scale to determine which has greater weight or value, there is no question, at least in my mind, that providing for one’s family trumps misrepresentation on a job application.

Let’s look at another example. You got the job and you family is well-provided for. Now, you are seeking a promotion so that you can move your family to a nicer area, and your kids can attend better schools. In applying for the promotion, once again, you misrepresent yourself, and rationalize your dishonesty by convincing yourself that it is for the greater good. This gets in to some dicey territory. In this instance, the greater good is not so clear cut. It becomes a subjective decision, and each individual needs to fully consider the ethics that are involved.

I know that I have gone a little long here, and I can see you all starting to fidget, so let me wrap this up with some simple advice. Graduating from college is a big step forward. You are going to be faced with some difficult decisions in the years ahead. In making these decisions, ethics and honesty need to be considered at every point along the way. Follow your judgment, and always use the greater good as a guidepost.

Works Cited

Lee, Carmen. “Lying via Omission/Sportsmanship.” Online Posting. 20 Oct. 2011. Laulima Discussion. 31 Oct. 2011. [https://laulima.hawaii.edu/portal/site/KAP.XLSENG215js.201210/page/70638c63-3d48-4275-828a-7e37acace01e]

Josephson, Michael. “Making Ethical Decisions: The Six Pillars of Character.” Josephson Institute. Josephson Institute, 2011. Web. 31 Oct. 2011. [http://josephsoninstitute.org/MED/MED-2sixpillars.html]

Taddonio, Patrice. "All Lies Are Not Created Equal: Professors, Students Take an Honest Look at Lying." Tuftsdaily.com [Tufts University] 19 Mar. 2004. We. 31 Oct. 2011. [http://www.tuftsdaily.com/articleDisplay.jsp?a_id=3615]